I was raised in an abusive home with an alcoholic father, a mother who worked over 60 hours per week to provide for us, and an autistic older brother. On top of that, we were the only non-LDS family in our Salt Lake City neighborhood. Some of my earliest memories were watching parents come out and grab their children when my brother and I stepped outside to play. At school, some of the kids would gossip about what their parents had to say about my family.

My mother is an amazing person and was raised in a Christian church. I knew the basics, but I never had a relationship with Christ. I was fully convinced God did exist, but He apparently didn’t want anything to do with me or my family. Questions plagued me. Why did I get thrown into a family like mine? Why was I given an alcoholic father? Why did I have to work at 15 years old to help my mother provide for our family? Why did God let all this happen?

Instead of finding answers to my questions, I did what any outcast kid does — rebel. I became heavily involved in Straight Edge, a movement whose adherents partake in a lifestyle that abstains from alcohol, smoking and drugs of any kind — yet is also one of the most violent gangs in America. In addition, I personally chose to abstain from caffeine, medications and pre-marital sex. But within a year, I was listed in Salt Lake County’s active gang list.

Along with being Straight Edge, I started a band that became very successful. It controlled all of my time, eventually becoming my god. Music gave me fulfillment and happiness, for a time, but the responsibility of leading and touring was soon accompanied by lack of sleep, depression, stress and anxiety. I began to wonder if all the “success” was worthwhile.

One night at a concert, a young boy came up to me in tears, telling me that a certain song made him think twice about committing suicide. On several occasions, kids would thank me for the impact God had on their lives. God? What did God ever want with me? If God was moving in other people’s lives, why wasn’t He was moving in mine? I couldn’t see it at the time, but God WAS there, He DID care, and He’d been pursuing me all along!

I came to The Rock as a joke one Saturday in the winter of 2006. Yet I didn’t feel like I was at church. I actually felt comfortable. All the band’s songs were praising Jesus, and the pastor spoke only about Christ and His ways. I instantly felt like God put His hand on me for the first time.

Something had sparked inside of me, so I started attending church more frequently and becoming more involved. I was meeting new people who cared about who I was as a person, not the person I was when on stage. I learned more about Jesus Christ, and my heart broke for Him. I realized everything I was pouring my heart into had no real purpose, and it was then that I asked Christ to come into my heart. I said, “Jesus, if You’re really who You say You are, then please take away everything that has kept me from You for so long.” And He did exactly that!

I have never looked back. God has done so much more in my life than I ever imagined! Now I find more joy in playing music for my church than I ever did performing for thousands across the country. I find peace going to small groups, learning, and teaching at Bible studies. I even love pushing a broom across the floor at church when needed! I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Jesus Christ is my Redeemer. He brings me joy because I know how much He loves me. He took my place on a cross and died a death I should have died. He conquered the grave so I can be with Him forever. I didn’t earn it — and I definitely don’t deserve it — but I humbly accept it. I’m hopeless without Him.