To be honest, I didn’t really enjoy my life as a kid. For most of my childhood, church life, home life, and social life were awful. I grew up feeling ostracized, alone, and angry with God because of it.

At home, my mom hid the toxic relationship she had with my father — for a while. But when I was 10, she finally filed for divorce. I stayed with my dad, and things were great at first, but as I got older he never really supported me or helped me when I needed it. This neglect included abuse, so I would hide in my room from him.

School was basically a nightmare. From grade school to junior high, I was made fun of, beaten up, and left out. I never understood why people didn’t like me or why I couldn’t just fit in.

Church was the same. My whole family had been outcast because of my parents divorce and the other Mormon kids made fun of me. Even the leaders said some really unkind things. At that time, this was my understanding of church and God.

When I was 14, I changed schools and met some friends who actually liked me. I started attending their LDS ward and enjoyed it for a while, but never really believed what they were teaching. Around that time, I met some friends who went to a Lutheran church and I started going behind my father’s back. When he eventually caught me, I told him I was old enough to choose for myself. He responded by beating me, so I ran away.

From then on, I moved around a lot and became very negative and cruel. I sought the wrong kind of attention — drinking, sex, drugs — and did a lot of harmful things to myself. I had been abused in every way and I hated myself. For numerous reasons, including a near-successful suicide attempt, I should be dead.

I met my husband, Rusty, during this ugliness of my life. I still blamed God for all the horrible things that happened to me and had pushed Him so far away, shutting out anyone who tried to talk to me about Him. But Rusty and his family loved me unconditionally, and they wouldn’t allow let me reject God without gently and genuinely talking it through with me.

Although I was very cold to the idea, we eventually started going to The Rock. I expected everyone to be fake and judgmental, but I was wrong. To walk in and be sincerely welcomed was a feeling I could not explain. It was amazing! God began tugging at my heart, and I began letting Him in.

It was then that Rusty and I attended a marriage conference at The Rock, and soon after I was surprised to discover that I actually wanted to go to church. I wanted to know Jesus Christ. I wanted to know the mercy and love God has for everyone. My life started to change.

The final barrier fell at the 2007 all-church campout. Seeing so many people from so many different backgrounds (some the same as mine) come together just because of God was literally overwhelming. I finally came to Christ and was baptized there.

Since then, nothing has been the same! God has taught me some amazing lessons, even helping me to be thankful for the hardships I’ve endured. Sure, I’m still going through some healing and I know there are many more lessons to learn, but as long as I have God in my life I don’t care what it takes! Because I can tell you this: God is real! He is love. He is mercy. I have given Him my heart and my life, and He’s got a hold of me. I can’t wait for Him to come and take us home!