I’d always considered myself a Christian. Baptized at the age of eight, I did everything I thought a Christian was supposed to do. I knew the right words to say and the proper ways to act, and this continued until my adult life.

But I never actually had a relationship with God. I always told myself I’d start living for Him “tomorrow,” and I never sought His will in my life. Without God’s perspective, it was only a matter of time before I was living in all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons.

Of course, that didn’t work! Everything from my marriage to my health began to suffer. I finally hit bottom after going to Las Vegas with another man for my brother’s wedding. I felt too ashamed to talk to my husband — and certainly not God — so I didn’t even bother to try. Thinking I needed punishment, my self-loathing led to cutting and other self-destructive behavior.

My family realized the severity of my situation and talked me into going to The Rock. I realized I needed a deep dose of God’s presence in my life, and I knew I would lose my family forever unless there were some drastic changes in my heart.

I absolutely loved The Rock. I honestly thought I had found the missing link, helping me feel like there was hope. But good feelings are short-lived, and it wasn’t long before I was back to my usual sin, destroying my family all over again.

When I decided to take an evangelism class at The Rock, God hit me with something huge that finally began to turn my life around. We were watching a video about sharing your faith, and a girl in the video was falling over drunk while professing to be a Christian! Although a pastor’s daughter who claimed to love Jesus, she drank all the time with her friends. I saw so much of myself in that girl that I started to wonder, “Is that me? Where is God’s love shining through in my life?” It certainly wasn’t evident in my marriage (my husband and I were separated at the time) nor in my relationships with my family and friends. In fact, there was no evidence of God in my life at all.

Out of complete frustration and disbelief, I asked one of my teachers, “So how exactly do you know you are saved?” He told me it’s a work that God does in you, and you begin to hate your old life’s sin. Hate my old sin? I didn’t hate my sin, and it wasn’t even “old” — I was still clinging to it.

That night God opened my eyes to what a rotten sinner I really was. For the first time, I realized that my sin was leading me to eternal damnation, and Christ alone could provide a way out. Heartbroken, I dropped to my knees and repented to God. I acknowledged my sin and my hopelessness without Him. I asked Jesus to come into my life and make me a new person, so others would see His love shining through me.

Jesus has worked in so many miraculous ways in my life. Not only did He grant me forgiveness, He also helped me forgive myself — something I never thought I could do. It’s the ultimate freedom to realize that what Christ did on the cross is enough! Lifting such burdens from my shoulders enabled me to focus on more important pieces of my life — my family, my pursuit of becoming like Christ, learning His plans and purposes. I’m even starting to see God work in the heart of my husband!

Salvation is so much more than the words you say or the prayer you pray. It’s a life-changing conclusion where you fully understand how utterly hopeless you are without the saving grace of Jesus Christ. God doesn’t need us — we’re the ones who desperately need Him! Through every laugh, every tear, every heartbreak, He will be there. Today, tomorrow and forever more, I am living for Him who died for me!